I really haven’t written in a while, but I thought I would take a crack at it since tonight was such a milestone moment in my life.
The pops and I had our first deep conversation tonight. I felt as if he had understood me for the first time, ever. We talked about the end of the world, momma, his relationship with his father… I even got to share with him about a difficult experience. It felt real good. What more, we were able to discuss our opinions on humility and how that leads to appreciation; we touched upon the topic of expectations - how we expect so much from those who are near to us in our hearts, and yet we give them less grace than those who are not as close (even though it should be the other way around). Yes, all of this was with my Korean papa. It really was just fantastic.
He isn’t perfect, but I admire that he can face that he isn’t perfect. I get reminded of how even my daddy needs the love of a perfect Father.
Only God is perfect and only He cares about me perfectly. When you see yourself through His eyes, you see a child of God who is deeply and perfectly loved.
And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him. - Hebrews 11:6.
It’s painstakingly difficult for me to do this. I look at myself through the eyes of other people, or sometimes even treat their opinions as being more important than His. It is true - I can be a people-pleaser. I forget that people are not perfect. They don’t have perfect judgment, and they - even my family - don’t always want what is best for me.
So tonight, I am ever so thankful that God entrusted me with a bit of courage to be firm in Him within myself. I did not waver with my father. I was very honest with him, and it ended up being a pleasant conversation. A small step along a very lengthy path. I am not perfect - sometimes I even feel as if I am terrible as this thing called ‘life’. I seriously make too many mistakes to count. My heart is a wretched mess and my actions definitely translate.
That makes me even more thankful for who He is. How can I express how I feel? With song, of course:
I will offer up my life in spirit and truth Pouring out the oil of love as my worship to You In surrender I must give my every part Lord receive the sacrifice of a broken heart
Jesus, what can I give What can I bring To so faithful a friend To so loving a king Saviour, what can be said What can be sung As a praise of Your name For the things You have done Oh my words could not tell Not even in part Of the debt of love that is owed By this thankful heart You deserve my every breath for You've paid the great cost Giving up Your life to death, even death on a cross You took all my shame away, there defeated my sin Opened up the gates of Heaven, and have beckoned me in
My daddy. My Daddy upstairs. I am thankful.
“For the mountains may depart
and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,”
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
When are you coming, my dear! and when is the revival?
On the back of a motor bike with your arms outstretched trying to take flight, leaving everything behind. But even at our swiftest speed, we couldn’t break from the concrete in the city where we still reside. And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men.
…yeah, my love will pay the rent.” —
1.Listen without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)
2.Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)
3.Give without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26)
4.Pray without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)
5.Answer without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)
6.Share without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)
7.Enjoy without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)
8.Trust without wavering. (Corinthians 13:7)
9.Forgive without punishing. (Colossians 3:13)
10.Promise without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)
I know I need to work on all these thing. Oh Lord help me.
“Without somehow destroying me in the process, how could God reveal himself in a way that would leave no room for doubt? If there were no room for doubt, there would be no room for me.”
Love this. When utterly, completely consumed by God, there would be no room for doubt, of course.
The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad; the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus; it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing. They glory of Lebanon shall be given to it, the majesty of Carmel and Sharon. They shall see the glory of the Lord, the majesty of our God.
Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong, fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.”
Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped; then shall the lame man leap like a deer, and the tongue of the mute sing for joy. For waters break forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert; the burning sand shall become a pool, and the thirsty ground springs of water; in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down, the grass shall become reeds and rushes.
And a highway shall be there, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it. It shall belong to those who walk on the way; even if they are fools, they shall not go astray. No lion shall be there, nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it; they shall not be found there, but the redeemed shall walk there. And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.
Hi. The folding Citizen Barcelona. I want you.